Thursday Thirteen: 13 Ways to Kill a Zombie

 

I didn’t know what to do for this week, so I went to twitter, and my friend Alice responded with the suggestion to cover thirteen ways to kill a zombie. We’ve been playing the Google+ version of Zombie Lane like crazy for at least two weeks now, if not longer. Add in that October just ended, and Zombies are on the brain. So here are thirteen ways to kill a zombie, not necessarily from the game.

  1. The Shot Gun. This is one of the classic zombie killing methods. It gives you distance and a one shot kill. The downfall of the weapon is the noise and the limited number of times you can shoot it.
  2. The Machete. For me, this is my weapon of choice. Sure you have to get in close quarters to use it, but with enough force you can decapitate and be done with your zombie, without necessarily drawing the attention of additional walking corpses.
  3. Molotov Cocktails. Explosives aren’t a sure fire solution. While they could do significant body damage, there is always the risk of not touching the brain, and when dealing with zombies that’s really what you have to hit.
  4. The Toilet. This is a really understated piece of equipment. You can look in both Zombieland or Jesse Petersen’s book Married with Zombies for excellent usage of toilet bowl parts. The lid of the water tank is a perfect bludgeoning weapon.
  5. The Shovel. More of a mele weapon, a shovel has distance and a hard end that you can use to hit with, and then use the shovel part to stab or do more grousome damage with.
  6. The Bow and Arrow. Like a gun, a bow and arrow can give you distance, but has the added benefit of being far more quiet. The downside is the reload and shooting, as well as getting additional amunition.
  7. The Pit. With zombies, having options that allow for disposal of the body without coming into contact with it is optimal. Traps like a pit capture zombies and side line them. Just remember where you dug the pit!
  8.  Can Lid. This was a suggestion from a friend of mine. She had an incident and remarked about how the same damage could be useful in a zombie encounter. I obliged her by including it.
  9. Baseball or Cricket bat. Household objects and sports equipment can often make good bludgeoning weapons. Bats especially. They’re already made to swing and hit hard things. It’s like a natural development they would be used on zombies.
  10. Explosives. In a pinch, these can be good. The downside is that damage to the body or limbs won’t always slow them down. So you could be making a big noise to draw them in without a lot of zombies being taken out. This could be a good diversionary tactic though. Blow something up, draw the zombies to a point and escape another way.
  11. Armored Vehicles. Zombies in most instances move slower than a human walking. The average human walks at 3 miles an hour. Even a car coasting can outdistance a zombie. Having an armored vehicle that guarantees some protection is even better.
  12. Thurning off the movie/tv show/game. Let’s be honest, talking about zombies is fun, but I don’t think we’re in any danger of having to face off against them any time soon.

So what is your favorite theoretical zombie killing method?

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