Sidney Bristol–What is this BDSM thing?

This entry is part 3 of 39 in the series Kinky Girl Take Over

Hi everyone and welcome to the first official Kinky Girl Takes Over blog! Yesterday I wrote up a quick introduction to how this whole event is going to play out. Starting today there will be one to two blogs a day, with some great giveaways. Also, the main rafflecopter giveaway for a super swanky giveaway! But now, on to the blog.

BDSM has experienced a merging with mainstream over the last few years, thanks in part to a popular trilogy. Love it or hate it, we’ve had a lot of momentum in both the genre and the interest in all things kink. But just because it’s become popular doesn’t mean people quite grasp what it’s all about. Today I’d like to run us through what the umbrella of BDSM covers. This is just the beginning. A step onto the Yellow Brick Road, if you will. 🙂

So what does BDSM stand for?

Bondage and discipline. Dominance and submission. Sadism and masochism. And one I was taught recently, “Bull and shit.”

I paired these definitions for a flip of the coin comparison. Everything I’m about to say is up for debate–and my opinion. There are people who have been taught one or another way of BDSM that works for them. And that’s great. My stance has always been that there is no one true way–there’s just the way that works for you.

Sidney 2530138_sBondage and discipline.

Because the trust and risk associated with binding someone to an object or into an unnatural position can cause physical harm, it is edge play. This means that it can be really dangerous to the person having stuff done to them.

Okay, taking your significant other’s neck tie and tying your wrists to the headboard isn’t going to risk your life. But, say you allow someone to put you in a rope harness and suspend you four feet off the ground. There’s risk there. What if the rope is frayed, breaks and you fall head first onto concrete? What if your arms are tied in such a manner that it cuts off  blood flow and causes nerve damage?

People have to be disciplined for bondage. You can’t strap someone down, then leave to go watch a game without being aware of their needs and mental state. At least one person has to keep their head on straight in order to know what they’re doing, how it will hurt, impact or alter their partner and in an emergency, how to rescue them.

Dominance and submission.

Thanks to most romance fiction, I think we’re all pretty familiar with this one, but the degree of submission can vary. Under the BDSM umbrella, this can be an exchange in the bedroom only, one that extends into social situations or just when the couple is together.

Let me give a few examples.

In romance fiction we’re probably most familiar with the bedroom play dynamic. These are the couples who chose to only desire to be submissive or Dominant in the bedroom during intimate encounters. Maybe it’s to spice up the love life a little, maybe you like feeling helpless, for whatever reason–this is just as kinky as anyone else.

On the other end of the spectrum are those people who chose to live in what is called a 24/7 power exchange. This means that a Dominant partner is in complete control over their submissives day-to-day activities. They can chose their partner’s clothes, dictate what they do and how they spend their free time. It’s a lot of responsibility to take on for the Dominant, and a vulnerable position for the submissive. For some–this is the ideal relationship dynamic. For others–this is way over the line of manipulation and compulsion. Again–what works for some doesn’t work for others.

Between these two extremes is a wide world of power exchange. It can be whatever you want it to be.

Image credit: poznyakov / 123RF Stock Photo
Image credit: poznyakov / 123RF Stock Photo

Sadism and masochism.

By definition, sadists take pleasure from causing pain. And a masochist takes pleasure from receiving pain. Let’s boil that down to something less scary sounding, because those two words have been used in many negative connotations.

Think about the romance hero in the throes of passion. He digs a hand into the heroine’s hair and holds on, inadvertently pulling on her hair and causing pain. The heroine in turn enjoys that show of Dominance and the sensation of having her hair pulled. This is a very low level example, I admit, but there can be pleasure from pain.

Rough sex, a carpet burn, biting and love bruises are all commonly acceptable demonstrations of S&M. Shocked? Never thought you were that kinky? You are.

On the other end of the spectrum are people who enjoy severe pain. To some, there has to be something “wrong” with people who enjoy the extreme. I can honestly tell you that some of the people I’ve met who are into things that would make me run screaming just talking about it are the happiest, most involved members of their community. And so intelligent! They have to know their stuff to keep from causing permanent damage. That discipline must be taken to another level.

And now for my new favorite…

Bull and shit.

I cannot take credit for this addition. I learned this one while sitting a local BDSM 101 course. So all credit goes to the creator.

There are a lot of people who advocate that their way is the only way to do BDSM the “right way.” That people who buy the 50 Shades of Grey BDSM Starter Kit aren’t practicing “true BDSM.” That’s a load of bull and shit. BDSM is a hobby. It’s something fun that meets a need or desire individuals have, and there is no one right way, no almighty BDSM manual, no BDSM police who will put you in the stocks or take away your rope if you don’t do it right. There are generalities that fit aspects, such as Dominance and submission, where one person agrees to do what the other tells them to do, but the practice can be vastly different person to person, relationship to relationship.

You might not be kinky. You might be the kinkiest person on the block. And you might just think you’d like to try some of that kinky stuff. The point is that there’s room under the umbrella for everyone.

I’m going to giveaway one ebook copy of Picture Her Bound to a random commentor. Just tell me which aspect of BDSM you think is the most interesting! The winner will be chosen this Sunday, June 8th, by a random drawing. This contest is separate from the Rafflecopter! 

small Sidney TTLG 03

It can never be said that Sidney Bristol has had a ‘normal’ life.  She is a recovering roller derby queen, former missionary, and tattoo addict. She grew up in a motor-home on the US highways (with an occasional jaunt into Canada and Mexico), traveling the rodeo circuit with her parents. Sidney has lived abroad in both Russia and Thailand, working with children and teenagers. She now lives in Texas where she splits her time between a job she loves, writing, reading and belly dancing.

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Picture Her Bound smallishPicture Her Bound, Bayou Bound 1

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Officer Odalia Foucheaux is a desperate woman. Incriminating photographs of her after-hours job as a fetish model have been stolen, and she’s willing to break rules to get them back. Standing in her way? The very dominant bounty hunter Jacques Savoy.

Jacques has been watching out for Officer Foucheaux. He wants her safe from harm as much as he desires her body, her soul—and her submission. Odalia’s in trouble and struggling to walk the line of the law. His solution? Work together to find out who stole her pictures, what the thief wants and how to stop him. And if they find a pleasure unlike any other along the way, well, laissez les bons temps rouler.

Let the good times roll.

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20 thoughts on “Sidney Bristol–What is this BDSM thing?

  1. JB Brooks says:

    Hey Sidney! Great blog. One of the things I love about BDSM is its deliberateness. However far you choose to go with it, there’s something deeply erotic about knowing that somebody wants to do things to you…has plans for you…and is thinking about you right now…

  2. flchen1 says:

    I really liked your intro, Sidney–I do think it’s a very valuable reminder that BDSM is a catchall that covers a lot of different practices and levels, and that ultimately it’s between you and your partner and for your mutual pleasure.

  3. Pansy Petal says:

    Fantastic article! Loved it. Thank you for sharing it. What aspect of BDSM interests me? All of it. Some days some light D/s is enough, other days full on SM is what I want. Being single, I only read about it, but well . . . maybe some day I will find my One and we can explore what really works for me. In the mean time, I will read and fantasize. It is all good.

  4. Stephanie Kayne says:

    The bondage part intrigues me, but I’m not sure if I’m brave enough or trust enough to do it. But I sure enjoy reading about it!!! 🙂

  5. Tiffanie S says:

    Thanks for the giveaway! What I like about bdsm is the Skye and sometimes sudden stop into reality earth someone realizes that’s what they either agree doing or enjoy. To a small extent everyone enjoys some kink whether they fess up or not. Testing the boundaries is a little fun also.

  6. Cara O says:

    Love your thoughts on this! I think the most interesting aspect is how much trust you need to have in another person. I think this type of relationship may be stronger than a regular vanilla relationship because of that aspect.

  7. Melanie says:

    Well done!! Really good article 😀 You’ve broken it down to a level that everyone can understand.

    Although I find the whole subject interesting, I think for me it’s the bedroom only submission that I find the most intriguing. I can’t imagine giving up control anywhere else >.<

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