- Making Over Maris—A Funny, Scorching FemDom from Sabrina York
- Kinky Girl brings the BDSM Bookapalooza!
- Annie Nicholas and Open Relationships
- Sidney Bristol–What is this BDSM thing?
- Giveaway Alert with Carrie Ann Ryan!
- Zenobia Renquist and BDSM
- Giveaway Alert with Gia Dawn and Taste of Winter
- Elise Logan dishes about Tentacle Fetishes
- Kayla Lords: The Adventures of Sir and Babygirl
- Kayla Lords: What Being a Babygirl Means to Me
- Giveaway Alert! Sidney Bristol and Bound with Pearls
- Serena Biggs: Spouses who share
- Giveaway Alert: Roni Loren and Need You Tonight
- Keira Kohl: A swinging apartment complex
- A. Catherine Noon and Rachel Wilder: Realism
- A. Catherine Noon and Rachel Wilder: In the Lifestyle
- Delphine Dryden: Feels Like the Last Time
- Lea Griffith: The Things We Think We See
- Eden Bradley~A Kinky Writer Talks BDSM and Books!
- Shelley Munro, spanking and The Bottom Line
- Stacey Kennedy: What do you wear when you’re sizzling hot?
- Joey W. Hill: BDSM : For the body AND soul by Joey W. Hill
- Giveaway Alert: Holly Trent and O For Two
- JB Brooks: The Ins and Outs of Pervertables
- Giveaway Alert: Elle Wylder and Saving Grace
- Lex Valentine: My Road to Writing BDSM
- Liv Honeywell: Tease and Denial
- Tina Donahue: The delicate balance of pleasure.
- Cari Quinn: No Romance Required
- Roz Lee: I never meant to write kink…
- Rayne Millaray: being a 24/7 owned pleasure slave
- Giveaway Alert: Portia Da Costa and Delicious Pain
- Jennifer Kacey: A rope girl learning whips.
- Jodie Griffin: The Lighter Side of Kink
- Jennah Scott: Exploring BDSM
- Sadie Haller: Kink is music to my ears.
- Tilly Greene: Ups and Downs of Trying Something New
- Stories from the BDSM Life: Chevrolet
- #BDSMBookapalooza and Kinky Girl have come to an end.
Giveaway Alert! Don’t forget about the giveaways posted yesterday. You can still win a book from me, Carrie Ann Ryan’s contest is still running, Elise Logan has a contest going for a copy of her back list, I’m giving away a copy of Bound with Pearls, Roni Loren is giving away a signed copy of her book, Need You Tonight, Keira Kohl has a giveaway from yesterday AND you can win a prize from Noon and Wilder from their earlier post. Two of these contest are ending soon! Don’t miss those!
Welcome Noon and Wilder back for a frank post about what it’s like to walk the walk and be in the lifestyle. Many thanks to them for writing this today!
What is “The Lifestyle”? As Sidney mentioned in her post on the definitions of BDSM, https://sidneybristol.com/2014/06/02/sidney-bristol-what-is-this-bdsm-thing/, the answer can be different for each person. Rather than debate what lifestyle means in general, I’m going to share what it means to Rachel and I. We write as a team and have many discussion about what kink is, the lifestyle, and erotica.
I think one of the myths about the lifestyle is that it is always based on sex. There are elements of the relationship between Rachel and I that are related to kink, and we aren’t lovers. She’s not gay or bi, for one thing, and for another I’m married. Why, then, is what we do kinky?
It comes down to our understanding of what kink is about. When you take away the whips and chains, it comes down to boundary negotiation: what do you want to do, what to you want to have done to you, and where are your lines that you won’t cross? What makes Rachel a good dominatrix translates to what makes her good as the boss of us: she’s able to ask the right questions and respect boundaries so that we both know what to expect from each other.
For me, the thing I like best about people in the lifestyle is that ability to communicate clearly. I find myself more comfortable with the most tattooed, pierced, and non-mainstream-appearing domme than I do with the average person met in a bar on single’s night. Why? With the domme, I know what will happen: I know what to expect. I’ll be asked questions about what I’m interested in, and with what I’m comfortable; what’s more, my answers will be respected and followed to the letter.
I don’t really talk that much about my personal life when I’m talking about writing, because I tend to feel it’s my personal life. ~grin~ But I do talk a lot about writing “realistically,” and I don’t necessarily mean contemporary romance. There might be magic, creatures, or even other planets in my writing. I do, though, work hard to make the relationships real – whether it’s the sex scene or just relationship “stuff.” Rachel and I talk a lot about who the characters are and how they’d realistically behave given their backgrounds.
One side-effect of this is that our characters become, to us, real people. It seems strange, for example, that our main character from our upcoming release Sealed by Fire isn’t going to come home for dinner tonight. A Russian immigrant, Vanya Demidov is an apprentice sorcerer who finds out at his initiation rite that he is the intended sacrifice. Oh, nos! What’s fun about writing him is that he’s a virgin – we get to explore all the sex through the lens of someone discovering it for the first time. While not, strictly speaking, a kinky book, we did have a mild scene where the hero gives Vanya some orders and that heightens Vanya’s experience of the sexual encounter.
In the Chicagoland Shifters, our series that has strong BDSM elements, we use our hero, Neal Harrison, as a foil for some of our opinions about the lifestyle and kink in general. One quirk Neal has is that he asks for the safe word each and every time there’s an erotic encounter. We worked hard to make it something sexy and incorporate it into the feel of the moment, but we did it on purpose: in our opinion, good kink has a heightened awareness and respect for boundaries.
In the future, we have a series that’s set in a mythological dark ages with knights, horses, and squires. We are having fun with imagining what kink would look like in that setting. Leather reins can be used for restraints; horse crops for discipline. Why confine oneself to present-day kink settings?
Question for you: in what setting would you like to see the lifestyle or a little (maybe a lot?) of the kinky side of things?
For author and textile artist A. Catherine Noon, it’s all about the yarn, both metaphorical and literal – spinning a yarn, knitting with yarn, weaving, sewing, painting, sharing stories and good times over a cup of coffee with dark chocolate. She teaches creative writing, creative expression and textile arts.
For author Rachel Wilder, it’s all about the person – from characters to clients.
The Chicagoland Shifters series:
Book 1 BURNING BRIGHT, available from Samhain Publishing.
Book 2 TIGER TIGER, available from Samhain Publishing. An All Romance eBooks Bestseller!
The Persis Chronicles:
Check out EMERALD FIRE, available from Torquere Books.
Check out “Seeking Hearts“, available from Torquere Books.
Check out COOK LIKE A WRITER , available from Barnes and Noble.
Check out “Taking a Chance“, available from Torquere Books!