Lea Griffith: The Things We Think We See

This entry is part 17 of 39 in the series Kinky Girl Take Over

Giveaway Alert!  Elise Logan has a contest going for a copy of her back listI’m giving away a copy of Bound with PearlsRoni Loren is giving away a signed copy of her book, Need You TonightKeira Kohl has a giveaway from yesterday AND you can win a prize from Noon and Wilder from their first post yesterday.

Not only do I have the fab Lea Griffith here today–it’s also her release day! Information about her brand new BDSM book is at the vveerryy bottom of this post, so stay tuned!

Too Much is out today!
Too Much is out today!

Hi, all! My name is Lea Griffith and I am so stinking happy to be visiting with you guys today. I write a little bit of everything but erotic romance and romantic suspense really have my heart right now. My love for romantic suspense has its roots in my early teens—Linda Howard and Julie Garwood are two of my all-time faves. My love for erotic romance came much more recently and while I love reading it, writing a story that did the genre justice presented a challenge to me.

Little note about me: I freaking love challenges.

A lot of my friends write erotic romance to include BDSM—Sidney Bristol, Stacey Kennedy, Becca Jameson and the list goes on. Their writing is intense and so damn sexy it makes my eyes cross. So as an author I wondered if I had the chops to step outside what I know, what I’ve been exposed to, and write something that makes me squirm in the very best of ways.

I guess I should preface this by giving you the knowledge that I am not in the BDSM lifestyle. While I might not be a vanilla girl, hubs and I do not practice BDSM. However, we do fall into a very natural Dominant/submissive role. I had no idea this was the case until I began writing erotic romance. And this is where my heart, and my writing, lies—in the Dom/sub dynamic.

We all know alpha males. Maybe we crave one in that deepest, darkest part of what makes us a woman. A man who’ll take over, command us to do the things he wants us to do all the while knowing it is ultimately his woman’s pleasure that rules him. A man who knows what he wants, what his woman wants, and knows how to get her there. But under all the alpha dominance is the core of the man—that part of him that protects his woman, sheltering her heart and soul no matter what, all day, everyday—in the bedroom and out. And as there are alpha males there are also alpha females who do the same for their man.

It is what I believe to be one of the truest relationships a man and woman can enter into. I believed it was all seated in an already present emotional connection, until I went to my very first play party and experienced first-hand that Dominance and submission and how they are handled in the middle of play are about much more than a tussle for control.

A little background—Becca James and me visited Sidney Bristol last year. We flew out to Texas, had a great time hanging out with other authors we hadn’t met and got to spend a lot of time with Sid. Both of these women have been huge motivators for me but Sidney has experiences within the lifestyle that I do not. She has an insider’s guide, if you will, to the lifestyle and how things tick.

So Becca and I were given an opportunity to hang out with Sid and some of her friends and we were invited to a play party—not to participate, but rather to soak it in, see play firsthand, experience the gasps and sighs, the thud of a flogger on flesh and the hiss of indrawn breath. We got to see the marks left by whips and floggers, hands and lips.

But it was the thing I thought I saw that made it all very real for me and ground every single preconceived idea I had about BDSM into dust. It was that single thing that upon retrospection, I realized wasn’t a possibility, it was a fact. And for me, it remains the truest explanation for the lifestyle…

Yeah, I said it. Emotion. What I saw in a few-hour span rocked my foundations. Let me explain.

I love sex. What I love even more is the emotional connection made during sex. Do you have to have emotion to have sex? Nope. I’m not a fool—people do it all the time. But for me, emotion makes sex better, richer, fuller.

The same notion that emotion (and/or emotional connection) makes sex better is exactly what I applied to BDSM play. That each Dom and sub had this overwhelming emotional connection and through play they expressed that connection at a deeper level. What I discovered is that not only was I only partly right, I was partly wrong. In every sound of the flogger cutting through the air was a sense of anticipation. In every sigh, gasp, yell or screech when the flogger fell was the sound of fulfillment.

In every slap of hand against flesh of another, in every crack of the whip in a silent room, was the feel that something was happening—something beyond what I could see with my eyes. I had to open my mind and my heart to the scenes I was viewing. Because not every submissive was with her Dom. Not every Dom was with his submissive. Some of these pairings weren’t about an already present emotional connection at all. Some of these pairings were simply play partnerings and had no substantial LOVE relationship history at all.

I began to take in the intensity on both the Dom’s and the sub’s faces. I began to listen to every hitch, every moan, every whisper of “Yes!” as the tools the Dom used found their place against the sub’s flesh.

It was raw—in your face and hotter than 1000 white-hot suns. And that was the overt. It was the unstated and not-so-obvious that tilted my world. It was the layered emotion brought forth by the connection between each Dom and sub that showed me it isn’t about what it is already there—it is about what is possible. Play can happen between two people who know one another or two people who know nothing about each other. As long as the rules of the play have been negotiated, play is a place of safety whether you know one another intimately or not.

It is within the boundaries of play that both a Dom and a submissive are allowed to express the emotions that drive them. Maybe a Dom is a true alpha—maybe he absolutely wants to dominate a woman and bring her over. Maybe there is something within the controlling of a submissive that frees him. Or maybe he just likes to play. Maybe that’s his (or her) thing.

And maybe for a submissive it is about giving over to another person. Separating themselves from their mind and connecting with their body. Maybe that’s his (or her) thing.

And aren’t all of these okay?

Yes. They are. What I found was that emotion doesn’t have to be involved though the end result is emotion. It is caring and kindness and all the intricacies therein. BDSM play can be incredibly loving, even if you aren’t in love with your Dom or sub. It is release, and not always sexual, and acceptance of whom and what you are.

It is filling a need and returning for more because the emotion you cannot see is sometimes the most poignant of all.

So as I circle back around to the end of my post, I still love writing alphas. D/s stories rock my world and for me, that same emotion I was exposed to at my first play party both shattered and rebuilt my BDSM foundations. In my stories, the emotion we just spoke about enhances a connection that’s already present for my characters but it is also a way to express what they are to each other. The bondage and ropes and spanking benches and floggers are instruments my characters use as a way of providing pleasure with maybe a bite of pain—a way of gifting both the Dominant and the submissive with what they need—control and a relinquishing of it.

And it is ultimately about the emotion. Because what allows me to write that emotion is the deeper understanding that the bond formed during play is one of the truest and most profound. So while my character already have an emotional connection, I wouldn’t be able to write their stories without understanding it is the emotion during play that makes BDSM what it is—and that, dear readers, is a beautiful thing.

MeI’d love to do a giveaway on top of what we’re already doing. Make sure you enter the rafflecopter for a chance to win a $50 Gift Card. But also, if you comment with your favorite emotional erotic romance read, I’ll randomly pick a winner and you’ll get a $5 Amazon Gift Card.

Lea Griffith began sneaking to read her mother’s romance novels at a young age. She cut her teeth on the greats: McNaught, Woodiwiss, and Garwood. A firm believer that love makes the world go round, she still consumes every romance book she can put her hands on, but now she writes her own with alpha heroes that will melt your heart.

Lea lives with her husband and three teenage daughters in rural Georgia. Two dogs, a cat, and a Betta fish named Coddy George complete a family always in motion. When not working running her teens around, she’s usually at her keyboard, using every spare second to write. Whether it’s romantic/military suspense or erotic romance nothing is off-limits when it comes to her writing.

Website:  http://www.leagriffith.com/

Facebook Profile: http://www.facebook.com/lea.griffith.58

Facebook page:  http://www.facebook.com/LeaGriffithWrites?ref=hl

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/LeaGriffith

Pinterest:  http://www.pinterest.com/leagriffith/

Tumblr:  http://www.tumblr.com/blog/leagriffithwrites

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6913695.Lea_Griffith

Too Much is out today!
Too Much is out today!

NEW RELEASE!

In Lea Griffith’s Loveswept debut, a novel that’s perfect for erotic romance readers, two lovers who have shared exquisite pain and unforgettable bliss find solace back in each other’s arms.

Jeremiah Copeland and Daly Edwards have a history. Even though he grew up a criminal struggling to care for two younger siblings, and she’s the pampered daughter of a power-hungry senator, they formed a bond that nothing could break. Only a lack of trust ripped them apart.

Three years later, Daly has reason to believe that Jeremiah’s brother is in trouble. She reaches out to Jeremiah the only way she knows how: at his BDSM club, The Underground. But one look ignites a heat she thought had cooled forever. As Jeremiah takes control of her body once again, Daly quickly loses control of her carefully rebuilt world. Too much has never been enough between them, and as danger swirls in the shadows, Jeremiah forces Daly to recognize what has never changed: She still loves him. His command is that she return her heart—and he will make her obey.

Too Much is an erotic romance intended for mature audiences.
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Series Navigation<< Delphine Dryden: Feels Like the Last TimeEden Bradley~A Kinky Writer Talks BDSM and Books! >>

4 thoughts on “Lea Griffith: The Things We Think We See

  1. Pansy Petal says:

    Wonderful article Lea! I think that is why I like this genre so much, the emotion of it. Beautiful! I can rarely answer a question about favorites because, well, I read too much and I don’t like any of my kids to be slighted. I love them all, if differently. So I generally answer with the most recent or currently reading answer. In this case, it is actually very appropriate. I just finished reading Bound and Unwound by Lorelei James. Talk about emotion in BDSM. Amazing reads that had me sighing, and moaning and gasping and even, a time or two, crying. If I was into the favorites list type thing, I think these two would make it on the list.

  2. flchen1 says:

    Lovely post, Lea! I do think that the best reads delve deeply into the emotions and how they’re tied in (um, no pun intended?) to the physical expression of some of those feelings. Katie Porter’s Hard Way was one where the characters’ emotions figured strongly in their physical connections–as hard to read as some of those were! But those emotions also knock you out and lay you bare.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.