Joey W. Hill: BDSM : For the body AND soul by Joey W. Hill

This entry is part 21 of 39 in the series Kinky Girl Take Over

Giveaway Alert!  Lea Griffith is still running her release day giveawayEden Bradley has her Dangerously Bound contestyou can still win a prize from Shelley Munro from yesterday, Stacey Kennedy wants to know about your panties for a prize and Holley Trent has an O For Two. Don’t miss these!

I don’t think I’ll ever NOT have a fangirl moment over today’s guest. Joey W. Hill is that author you know is going to deliver a story that yanks on your heart–and you love her for it. Does she need any more of an introduction? I think not!

A reader and I had an interesting discussion a couple weeks ago. We’d both read the same BDSM historical romance, and were debating the climactic turning point for the protagonists. In that scene, the Mistress uses somewhat of a mindfuck scenario to help the hero face his past demons and fully surrender to her, at last giving her the gift of his trust. The reader felt it was far too tame to be called BDSM; I felt it was mind-blowingly raw and deep. How could we have such disparate opinions?

It would be easy to explain it by saying that people come to BDSM romance with different levels of exposure to kinky sex, but this reader and I had a comparable familiarity with BDSM. I think the reason we differed in our reaction was because people read BDSM romance with different expectations for the experience. Some want whips, chains, paddlings, lots of sexual interaction and mechanics. They love every sweaty, pulse-pounding, pain-and-pleasure filled moment (and who can blame them? lol). Some read it to be immersed in the psychological journey of one soul surrendering their trust willingly to another. And then there are a plethora of BDSM romance readers who fall all along the spectrum between those two points.

Divine SolaceLowResIt’s one of the many reasons I love reading and writing BDSM romance. There are so many permutations of this sexual orientation, as individual as the people practicing it. For my part of things, I fall on the psychology end of the spectrum. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been known to go pretty hardcore in my stories, throwing in whips, chains, restraints and a whole shopping list of “oh my, what is that delightful thing?” I’ve found while surfing BDSM paraphernalia on the Net. However, that said, I don’t consider one of my books a true Dom/sub romance unless I could take out every bit of that and still have a compelling story. BDSM begins and ends with the mind for me.

Let me explain. If I see a video of some random naked guy spanking some random naked girl, it’ll catch my attention, sure, but there has to be some cues to who they are and what their story is to hold me there. What if instead he’s wearing a suit, complete with pristine white cuffs, silk tie, pressed slacks? She’s naked, except for a strand of pearls around her neck, a strand so long he knots it around her wrists. He’s pushed her down to her elbows on the rug, but before he spanks her, he trails fingers down her flesh, notices gooseflesh. So he straightens, turns on the gas logs in the fireplace. Then he growls, “The fire’s to make the rest of you as warm as I plan to make your ass.”

He cares enough to ensure she’s warm. I wonder if the pearls were a gift from him. Or maybe from another man, and he’s “punishing” her to remind her she’s his. I’m turned on by the control he wields, underlined by the power suit… In short, my mind is engaged not by the obvious thing, her nudity, but by her subjugated position, the contrast of his care for her physical state, his preparations to punish her.

Those differing expectations, mind vs body, also exist in real life BDSM, enough to have terms for the preferences. Now, that said, terminology is always a whole ball of wax. There are so many nuances, so if you have different definitions for these terms, please don’t feel I’m negating them. I’m doing this to clarify my point.

Let’s say that “tops” and “bottoms” are typically looking for the spice, the physical pleasure. Nothing wrong with that at all. Then there are “Dom/mes” and “subs”. They’re looking as much for a psychological power exchange as they are a physical one. The submissive is looking for an opportunity to trust and surrender; the Master or Mistress the pleasure of holding that trust in their hand along with control of the situation.

If a Dom ordered a bottom to sit still in a chair with her knees parted while the Dom read a book, she’d be sighing, thinking “WTF? When are we going to DO something?” Whereas the submissive would be getting wetter, hotter, and closer to subspace all the time, feeling the way the Dom is controlling everything – her body, the environment, the situation. Hence, a sub and a bottom would perceive the same situation entirely differently.

LingerieShop_coverLoResOf course, to my way of thinking, the best kind of BDSM romance gives us both, entangling the physical and mental together enough that both the heart and libido stay engaged. For instance, here are the first couple paragraphs of The Lingerie Shop, Book I of my Naughty Bits four-novella serial:

“I’ve got you. You’re all fucking mine.”

He had his hand wrapped in her hair, holding so tight her scalp ached. He moved his mouth against her throat, against a vital artery pulsing with adrenaline. Pressed up against her back the way he was, he allowed her no personal space. His thigh was thrust between her legs, his cock a bar of steel branding itself on her buttock, even through his jeans. When she sucked in a breath, it was all him. Spiced aftershave, heated male. She wanted to turn, put her face right against his throat, nestle in that scent, in his strength.

He controlled everything, and she felt safe. For the first time in her life. If only he wasn’t a dream. But in her mind was the only place where she could give him control.

He proceeds from there into a punishment scenario, but you’ll note the above highlights a balance between the physical and emotional Mastery of a really intense BDSM scene.

The great thing about BDSM is there’s room for every preference and pleasure, as long as it’s SSC and RACK (Safe, Sane and Consensual and Risk Aware Consensual Kink). BDSM Romance gives us the opportunity to not only indulge our own preferences, but try out a variety of others and decide what we all most enjoy. I for one hope the genre enjoys wide success for a long time as a result, because I’m a reader as much as an author!

Oh, and if you’d like to check out that BDSM historical romance we were debating for yourself, it’s His Mistress by the lovely Monica Burns, her first active foray into the BDSM genre. I enjoyed the book very much, finding the historical context refreshing. since so much of BDSM is paranormal or contemporary.

My thanks to Sidney for letting me muse and ramble about BDSM! If you feel like leaving a comment, your own take on the psychological vs physical aspects of BDSM, I’ll enter you in a random drawing for one of my books – your choice, ebook or print, and international entries welcome. Thanks again!

How to find out more about Joey:

Website: www.storywitch.com

Fan forum: www.storywitch.com/community

Facebook: www.facebook.com/JoeyWHillAuthor

Twitter: @JoeyWHill

Amazon link to Naughty Bits novellas and Divine Solace, her latest two releases

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29 thoughts on “Joey W. Hill: BDSM : For the body AND soul by Joey W. Hill

  1. Joey W Hill says:

    Sidney, thank you for that incredibly flattering introduction! I loved our one-on-one discussion, albeit brief, at that last con…grrr, what the heck was it? My brain is scrambled by deadlines! Oh, I think it was Naughty Sleepover? Regardless, I remember the joy of chatting with you as we both rested our feet outside the ballroom. You are a delight, in addition to being a wonderful, talented author. Thanks for having me here today!

      • Joey W Hill says:

        Yep, that was it! I’m reaching that point I have trouble hearing in a room with lots of conversation happening, let alone blaring music. When I vacuum, I want loud music blasting in my ears. Otherwise…heavens, I do sound ancient, don’t I? Shades of Huey Lewis’ cameo in Back to the Future: “I’m afraid you’re just too darn loud” lol… Look forward to seeing you soon.
        Joey W Hill recently posted..UnrestrainedMy Profile

  2. Brenda Roth says:

    Good morning and Afternoon all! Thank you Joey for being with us, and taking this time to chat! I’m shock with your busy deadline line-up that you can be here, but I’m so very glad.

    • Joey W Hill says:

      Always have time for you guys, even if it’s a bit shorter than usual! (wink) I’m working on a scene this morning for Brian and Deb that may make me disappear for a half hour or so at a time, but I’ll keep checking back in!
      Joey W Hill recently posted..UnrestrainedMy Profile

      • Brenda Roth says:

        There’s never a disappearance from you and you know it(grin). We are all every patience fans to a point(LOL). Your lucky today Joey, it’s Friday so it means that I’m around, work on Fridays are very easy on me. And please, please work with that beautiful muse of yours. We are dying to have Lord Brain and Deb’s story! Muahs!

  3. Moira says:

    Joey, that is what I love the most about your books, the psychological aspect of BDSM. Looking below the surface for the story and it isn’t just straight sex beginning to end, not that the sex isn’t great in them.

    • Joey W Hill says:

      Moira, good morning and thank you! When I think back to my favorite erotic moments in movies and books, I always latch onto the psychological aspects. You all have heard me use the example of Double Dare/Red Shoe Diaries before. The vignette where the hero is standing over the heroine, and she’s lying on the carpet, both of them wet from the outside rain. As he unbuckles his belt, he’s staring down at her, and just their respective positions, him standing over her, her lying on the floor, loose and open to him, sends that erotic D/s message. Yet they take it just a bit further, because as he’s unbuckling his belt, he hooks his toe under the back of her calf and eases her leg out, just an inch or two. Shivers – those scenes just grab me and don’t let me go!
      Joey W Hill recently posted..UnrestrainedMy Profile

  4. titania says:

    I love a combination of both psychological and physical aspects of BDSM. A story with just one or the other doesn’t have the same richness for me.

    • Joey W Hill says:

      Titania, I agree. I’ve cracked open some erotic stories that, craft-wise, are solid, but there’s no character development, no story, no attention to the important psychological part of BDSM that gives the physical a far more intense charge. Basically it comes off as “all this other story stuff is just filler- it’s all about the spanking” (lol).
      Joey W Hill recently posted..UnrestrainedMy Profile

    • Brenda Roth says:

      I agree with you titania. I’m a weird one out here with the psychological part of a book, and not just BDSM, but a book! Joey, is one of a few Authors that get both psychological and physical parts right…Then there is the bonus to the read, the correctness of her research, leaving people like myself, wanting to look up the specified description in the character. Let’s use Lord Brain, he is a Scientist, therefore using correct terminology is bonus. Makes the weirdos out in this world like myself, research different means to what makes Lord Brain, then in return Lord Brain becomes real to you and just a character in a book.

  5. Angie M says:

    I enjoy reading BDSM but the stories I love the most combine the psychological and the physical. The psychological aspect is what connects me to the stories. I love getting inside the characters minds. Thanks for the chat!

    • Joey W Hill says:

      Angie, you make a great point. It’s the psychological that provides us empathy. I’ve never really thought about it from that angle, but I’ve had readers tell me things like “I didn’t think I’d ever enjoy a book about X-type of Dom or sub character, but you put me inside his head and helped me understand what was driving him.” I don’t say that to blow my horn, but as an example of what I think we strive to do when we’re writing a story we want to be memorable. If we can put our readers in our characters’ heads, even if those readers aren’t into the same things as the character, the journey is still worthwhile. Jodi Picoult has an amazing gift for that – My Sister’s Keeper, Nineteen Minutes, etc are all great examples of looking at a really difficult situation from many different viewpoints. I think we should sign her up for international negotiations (lol).
      Joey W Hill recently posted..UnrestrainedMy Profile

  6. Mary M. says:

    While I think that there are well written stories out there that have only one of the components, but I prefer those with both skillfully woven together, like Joey’s!

    • Joey W Hill says:

      True, Mary. And I think the mostly female readership of BDSM Romance have definite mental triggers that make them sit up and take notice. For instance, during my lunch break, I was watching an episode of Bitten, where Nick (Steve Lund) seduces this lovely woman. They’re alone in a renovated club, and as he seduces her, he dips, curls an arm around her hips and lifts her so she’s basically being supported in the curve of his biceps while he bends down, pulls a sheet cover off of some furniture and spreads it one handed on the floor to make a clean place to lay her down – all while holding her in that one arm. It’s a pretty awesome scene – the courtesy he shows about keeping her off the dirty floor, all while giving her this heated stare that says, oh yeah, I’m going to be inside you…not an if scenario but WHEN (lol) – all my triggers are engaged in such a scene, and the first piece of clothing has not been removed, nor the first graphic sexual touch exchanged!
      Joey W Hill recently posted..UnrestrainedMy Profile

  7. flchen1 says:

    Hi, Joey! Lovely post–I do think that BDSM is a lot about the psychological and how it’s played out physically. People who seem to think it’s only one or the other have a very limited understanding… and I think poorly written books aren’t helping that impression. Thank you for writing from a place of genuine understanding!

    • Joey W Hill says:

      Hey, flchen! Good to see you here. When I started writing BDSM romance, it was all about the psychological to me. That was what drew me to it and opened up my own personal explorations into it. I think that continues to be why it appeals so much to women (and some men, though they tend to prefer erotica to erotic romance, because well, you know, all that mushy feelings stuff – lol. Possibly also because straight men aren’t typically titillated by hot Dom heroes or alpha male subs – wink).
      Joey W Hill recently posted..UnrestrainedMy Profile

  8. Pansy Petal says:

    Oh wow! Thank you for a this amazing article followed by a fantastic discussion! Physical without the psychological gets boring after a bit. It is good for a quickie, but for a good story, the psychological is needed.

    • Joey W Hill says:

      I agree, Pansy. Think it’s the reason most women don’t go for male-oriented porn. It’s bad acting, fuck, fuck, fuck, more bad acting (godawful music), fuck fuck fuck, no emotion, WAY TOO MANY CLOSE UPS OF GENITALIA, lol… I was so happy when I discovered Candida Royalle, Petra Joy (please forgive the spelling) who started opening up the Xrated world for female viewers. Though I admit I’m still more of a Red Shoe Diary or Bliss series kinda girl (wink). Glad you enjoyed the post.
      Joey W Hill recently posted..UnrestrainedMy Profile

    • Joey W Hill says:

      Sheri, very good point. Part of the pleasure of a book is being able to step into it, and if only the libido is engaged, I don’t the experience is as fulfilling. Thanks for coming by!
      Joey W Hill recently posted..UnrestrainedMy Profile

  9. Stephanie says:

    I am a “virgin” to BDSM with the only exposure being from books and a “field trip” to a dungeon. I must agree with Joey, for me it is the psychological roller coaster that leads to the fantastic physical interaction that encompasses the entire circle of BDSM. Thanks for the guest blog, Joey and Sidney!

    • Joey W Hill says:

      Stephanie, you’re very welcome! Sounds like you’re well on your way to becoming familiar with the topic. I’ve found most of us have an intuitive understanding of D/s dynamics. They pretty much pervade our behavior, even if they never manifest to the extent that we seek out BDSM practices, but I think that’s why so many of us are drawn to BDSM stories.
      Joey W Hill recently posted..UnrestrainedMy Profile

  10. Lisa G says:

    I like BDSM stories that show both the physical & psychological. I feel the psychological is just as important as the physical. Knowing how the characters feel & think is vital to the story. The connection gives purpose & importance to the physical.

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